They rocked up to my lair, you see
And challenged me to a duel - challenged ME!
So, says I, "Right, I'll take yas on!"
Thinking, boy, they'll sure regret it before long.

Quick as a flash, out whipped their chess board
And, astonished, says I to myself, "Good lord!"
As they set up all the pieces, neat as can be
Then started reading out the rules to me.

"Nuff of this you buck-toothed nerds!
All these rules are for the birds!
I'll show you how *I* play the game
And you'll see my rules are NOT the same!"

Two puny humans in my paw
Now past my teeth and in my maw
Goddamn humans and their goddamn rules
That'll learn them to play with ME, silly fools.